I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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