I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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