Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
