Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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