ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The air taste purple.
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