She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
