Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
