i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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