I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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