every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Randomize
