I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think your dad took our porno
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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