I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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