So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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