Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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