is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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