I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
