i would punch a child for taco bell
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
