I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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