But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
