im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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