You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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