quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
