i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
