your parents love me but you hate me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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