The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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