The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
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Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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