I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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