i permit you to call me
im holly from the hills drunk
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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