did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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