I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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