Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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