Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
