does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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