a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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