Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
