I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
