Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
