so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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