Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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