We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
