found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
