I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
where are my eyebrows?
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