Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
