Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
