Where did you get a picture of my penis
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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