Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
