i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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