if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
