I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
