Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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