There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
