i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
