i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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