just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
