the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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