i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
