we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My life is pants optional.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
