Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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