genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
