you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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