I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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