Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
