planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
