plz talk dirty to me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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