I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
