If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
