Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
