I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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