i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
