smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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