my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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