Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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